How To (Properly) Flirt With A Woman (Updated 2024)

You know those scenes in romantic comedies where a character is at a bar and his buddies are trying to get him to go talk to a beautiful woman? And for some reason, the guy is usually taking deep breaths and slamming down shots like a Civil War soldier about to get his leg amputated?

Those scenes are part of the reason why guys tend to have such a hard time flirting with women: they treat flirting like it’s the Hunger Games and they’ll be fed to the wolves if they aren’t successful.

When you hear the word “flirt”, what do you think? If you look it up on everybody’s favorite online encyclopedia, you get this: “highlight-it color-1]Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, [body language, or brief physical contact[/highlight-it].”

Now, do you think this first line will help you learn how to flirt with a woman?

Naturally, you may be reluctant to “express a romantic and/or sexual interest” in a woman just like that: what if you come off as weird, she gets annoyed, defensive, what if she flat-out rejects you? That would make flirting a quite unpleasant experience.

On the other hand, if you really understand how to do it, you can make any flirt what it’s meant to be: a light, fun interaction with a breezy sexual vibe and sweet validation.

flirting – It’s light! It’s fun! Nobody will be fed to wolves!

When I hear the word “flirt”, I think of witty, smiley banter, laughing, good feelings, slight sexual tension, and most importantly: no particular outcome. It may be a fun prelude to casual sex, a steady relationship or simply nothing at all – none of these things make or break a good flirt. The only two ingredients it needs are “good” and “flirt”. It is what it is and if you’re doing it right, it shouldn’t be stressful.

The goal is to get her to smile.

Here are some ways to successfully flirt.

Words Alone Won’t Help You

It’s been said that 93% of communication is non-verbal — that is, body language, tone, and facial expressions. [R] This isn’t entirely true; try speaking to a woman for 7 seconds, then spending the next 93 posing and wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. Odds are, you’ll have to explain yourself to the police.

While that statistic is a bit distorted, there is some truth to it. Saying the right words will only get you so far; more often than not, what you say is less important than how you say it.

Body Language

Body language isn’t just how you non-verbally express your interest in a woman — it’s also how women express their interest in you. Surprisingly, 90% of the time, women are the ones initiating a romantic encounter, and they do it through body language. [R] In our article on how to tell a girl you like her, we illustrate an example where a lack of understanding of body language can lead to disaster.

When flirting with a woman, you need to send non-verbal signals that you’re sexually attracted to her; in fact, those are the only signals you should be sending at first. (In other words, do not walk up to a woman and say “I desire a sexual encounter with you, milady.”)

“90% of the time it is women who show signs of interest through body language”

So what are some examples of positive body language?

Eye contact is an easy way to express that you’re interested in her; not only that, it’s an easy way for you to gauge whether she likes you. If she’s not making eye contact, odds are she’s not comfortable or relaxed. [R]

Smiling can be disarming and help take some of the awkwardness out of the initial encounter. Just be sure not to smile too much or too frequently; at best, she’ll think you’re a simpleton, and at worst, she might think you’re a creep.

At the same time try and gauge her smile. Work out if her smile is genuine or fake, this will make it a lot easier to know if she is interested.

Good posture conveys assuredness and confidence; in other words, it lets her know that you’re feeling positively about approaching her, which signals that it’s okay for her to feel positively about being approached.

You want to be careful with them: let your facial expressions mirror your emotions. Many guys will just plaster a smile on their face all the way through an interaction in order to please. Instead, change your face according to your inner reaction to what she does. If you disapprove of something, there’s no need to hide it! You’re not there to please her.

According to the Center for Nonverbal Studies, mirroring is a crucial element of the courtship ritual. [R] Examples of mirroring are crossing your legs towards someone after they’ve done the same or taking a drink after she does. But be careful: there’s a thin line between mirroring someone and imitating them.

What You Say Does Matter

Some pickup artists believe that you don’t have to say anything meaningful as long as you tick all the non-verbal boxes, but that should just be yet another example of why nobody should listen to pickup artists. Yes, words alone aren’t enough to successfully flirt with someone, but you can’t just grunt your way through it, either.

Keep It Light & Fun Remember, this isn’t a do-or-die situation; it’s a conversation with a pretty woman. It should be fun, so have fun with it! Keep the conversation breezy — don’t immediately jump into your thoughts on nuclear proliferation as an icebreaker. Instead, focus on how to talk to girls in a light and engaging manner

. In fact, don’t ever jump into your thoughts on nuclear proliferation unless she asks about them.

You want to come across as “cocky but funny,” but don’t overdo it. Women are as turned off by an “I’m doing you a favor by talking to you” attitude as they are by a “I don’t deserve to talk to you” one. Don’t think of “cocky” in the sense of an ‘80’s movie bully; instead, think of it more as a mildly-exaggerated sense of confidence. (And don’t tell her to “smile more” — women hate that.)

Be Positive & Don’t Care About The Outcome

Sure: you’re talking to the girl because you’re attracted. But let the interaction be self-sufficient: if you are having fun with a cutie and nothing more, then the girl will enjoy it. You’re both in the same place at the same time, you’re good-looking and blithe, and you’re enjoying each other’s company! That’s why the most important rule for you is to be positive. If you embrace that she’s there and she’s a wonderful person, you’re already halfway there!

Make Her Flirt With You

It’s very important that you get the woman to flirt with you as well! There is a technique in the Obsession Method that actually shows you what to do in the first 5 minutes of the interaction to set yourself apart and get the woman flirting with you first. I strongly recommend you read it.

The Wikipedia article on flirting describes it as a way to gauge interest or a prelude to casual sex. “In other situations”, the article goes on, “it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship.” To my mind, this is the best way to go: once you know how to entertain yourself with another person’s company, you’ll know how to flirt with a girl anywhere you want. There is always an amount of personal interest involved, and don’t be afraid to hide it: but don’t let it take over and try to steer the conversation to a certain outcome. The only outcome you want right there and then is a great feeling.

Feel Sexy & Make Her Feel The Same

Assume attraction. You know that you are sexy, and no matter if she’s “taken”, lesbian, a happy single, she likes to feel desirable. You’re in a position to give her that feeling. You can open up the interaction with a line as simple as this: “Hi. What’s your name?” You can also establish a mystery: “You’re drinking green tea, right? That tells me a lot about your personality.” Then don’t tell her what it is. Right before approaching, you can start humming or softly singing to yourself, it bridges the gap between not speaking and speaking – you’re already in “talk mode” when you say your first words to her.

Tease Her (But Don’t “Neg”)

Playful teasing is a great way to break the ice and get her smiling and laughing. If she says something like “My friends sent me to the bar to get their drinks,” you can respond with “Jeez, sounds like they needed a break from you!”

Alternatively, you can make it even lighter hearted and play it safe by accusing her of staring at your butt while you were making a point.

The key here is the non-verbal portion, so do it with a smile to let her know you’re joking.

Make sure not to overdo the teasing, though; you’re trying to flirt with her, not roast her at the Friar’s Club. Speaking of which, you may be familiar with the term “negging.” If not, here’s how Wikipedia describes it: [R]

“Negging is a rhetorical strategy whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise insulting remark to another person in order to undermine their confidence in a way that gains approval.”

Why anyone would think the key to winning a woman’s affections is to make her feel like crap is beyond me, but for some reason, some people put a lot of stock in this idea. Don’t be one of those people — negging is a gross and demeaning practice, and more importantly, it doesn’t work. [R]

The case study demonstrates that “sensitivity” is the second most desired characteristic in married women, with “honesty & trustworthiness” in first place… polar opposite characteristics to negging.

Playful Opportunities With Double-entendres

Statements that can have two meanings: formally appropriate and sexually suggestive. She’s talking about her travels: “I spent a lot of time down south.” Say: “Down south?! You dirty girl!” Look for opportunities to introduce playful sexual innuendo into a conversation – if you set your mind to it, you’ll be amazed at how many things you can “accidentally misinterpret” as sexual hints. At some point, tell her: “Look, I realize I’m hot, but please stop your constant innuendos. I’m not that easy.”

Don’t Compliment Her (At First)

A lot of guys think they have to compliment a woman to make it extra-clear that yes, they do find her sexually attractive. While your honesty is certainly appreciated, it’s also overkill; she already knows that based solely on the fact that you’re approaching her.

Part of the fun of flirting is the implicit admission that each person finds the other attractive. Explicitly stating it is like handing someone a birthday present and announcing “It’s a book” before they can open it — it takes all the mystery out of the encounter.

A Note About Confidence

Many people struggle with flirting because they think they lack the self-assuredness to effectively pull it off. It’s true that these tips really only work if you present yourself as confident; otherwise, the results will be less than stellar. (Probably somewhere between “awkward” and “nightmarish,” if I had to ballpark it.)

Now, this would ordinarily be where I’d divulge some extremely simple method that would magically instill you with boundless confidence. Unfortunately, that’s not how confidence works; it’s just one of those things that comes with time and, yes, practice. If you’re lacking in confidence, all you can do is fake it ‘til you make it.

Q: “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”
A: “Practice, practice, practice.”

It may feel a little disingenuous at first, but I assure you, it isn’t. Confidence doesn’t come naturally to anyone, and everybody has had to pretend to be confident at some point in their lives. Some just start the process earlier than others. The more you fake it, the less you’ll need to fake it. Using this guide will help you flirt and seduce with confidence and, most importantly, have fun doing it while you learn.

Now for a little secret provided by one of the hottest programs on the market that will not only help establish your confidence quicker, but also teach you how to dial up the laws of attraction. To find out more about gaining seductive powers over women and even getting your ex back, check out the Obsession method.

How to flirt with a woman

A step by step guide to flirting with women in a way that reduces possible rejection while maximizing your chances of success.

Eye Contact

Make eye contact. You want a playful gaze that conveys that you’re happy to talk to her and enjoying your time.

Smile

Smile as if you’re happy. There are dozens of different smiles you can produce… the one you want to assume is one of being content without a care in the world. Avoid the uncomfortable smile.

Talk & Tease

Just talk. By virtue of being there, talking to her, she’ll likely get the hint that you are somewhat interested. Converse with her, joke around and tease her a bit while you’re at it.

Resources & References

Would you like some additional information on women and how to flirt with them? Here are some additional sources and references:

1. How much of communication is really nonverbal by The NonVerbalGroup
2. 6 scientific facts about attraction you can use the next time you flirt with someone by Cecily Trowbridge (Thought Catalog)
3. Interesting insights by alpha m. on how to approach and flirt without being creepy.
   
4. The body language of the eyes – the eyes reveal what the heart conceals by Joe Navarro M.A.
5. 9 wordless ways someone says, “I love you” by Paula Spencer Scott, Alzheimer’s caregiving expert
6. Negging – A definition by Wikipedia
7. A woman’s perspective by Marni Your Personal Wing Girl on whether she is flirting with you or just being friendly?
   
8. Negging: Do women really like guys who treat them like crap? – Science of relationships articles by Dr. Justin Lehmiller

1. What are some tips on how to flirt with a woman?

1. Make eye contact. This is perhaps the most important thing you can do when flirting with a woman. By making eye contact, you are letting her know that you are interested in her and that you want to connect with her.

2. Smile. A genuine smile will let her know that you are friendly and approachable.

3. Compliment her. Compliments show that you appreciate her and find her attractive.

4. Be playful.

1. Make eye contact. This is perhaps the most important thing you can do when flirting with a woman. By making eye contact, you are letting her know that you are interested in her and that you want to connect with her.

2. Smile. A genuine smile will let her know that you are friendly and approachable.

3. Compliment her.

2. How can you tell if a woman is interested in you?

There are a few key things to look for when trying to determine if a woman is interested in you. First, see if she is making eye contact with you. If she is, that’s a good sign that she’s interested. Another thing to look for is if she’s smiling at you. If she is, that’s another good sign that she’s interested. Finally, see if she’s touching you. If she is, that’s a sure sign that she’s interested.

3. What should you do if a woman rejects your advances?

If a woman rejects your advances, you should politely back off and respect her wishes. If you continue to pursue her after she has rejected you, you may come across as pushy, clingy, or even creepy. It is important to remember that not every woman is interested in every man, and that’s okay. It’s important to take rejection in stride and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, so don’t take it personally.

4. What are some common mistakes men make when flirting with women?

There are a lot of potential mistakes men can make when flirting with women, but some of the most common ones include:

1. Not making eye contact: One of the most important things when flirting with someone is to make eye contact. This shows that you’re interested and confident. Not making eye contact can make you seem disinterested, shy, or even creepy.

2. Talking too much: It’s important to strike a balance when flirting.

5. How can you make a woman feel comfortable when flirting with her?

When it comes to flirting with women, the most important thing is to make her feel comfortable. There are a few ways you can do this:

1. Make sure you come across as confident, yet not cocky. Women are attracted to confident men, but you don’t want to come across as arrogant.

2. Be a good listener. Really pay attention to what she’s saying and ask follow-up questions.

6. What body language do women use when they’re interested in someone?

When a woman is interested in someone, she will often use body language to communicate her interest. She may make eye contact with the person, smile, and even touch him or her in a flirtatious way. She may also stand close to the person and face him or her directly.

7. What should you say to a woman you’re interested in?

Assuming you would like tips on what to say to a woman you are interested in:

1. Compliment her- everyone likes to hear they look nice or did something well. It will make her feel good about herself and more likely to want to talk to you.

2. Ask her questions about herself- find out what she likes, what she does for fun, etc.

8. How can you tell if a woman is playing hard to get?

If a woman is constantly making excuses not to see you or talk to you, it’s possible that she’s not playing hard to get and just doesn’t want to talk to you. However, a sign is if a woman is being overly flirty with other guys in front of you.

9. What does it mean if a woman touches you while flirting?

If a woman is touchy-feely with you while flirting, it generally means that she is attracted to you and is trying to create a physical connection. She may also be trying to gauge your level of interest by seeing how you respond to her touch.

10. What are some things you should avoid doing while flirting with a woman?

There are a few things you should avoid doing while flirting with a woman in order to maximize your chances of success. First, avoid being too forward or aggressive. This can come off as creepy or make the woman feel uncomfortable. Instead, take things slow and let the woman make the first move. Second, avoid being too clingy or needy. This will make the woman feel suffocated and will likely cause her to lose interest. Third, avoid being too self-centered.

11. How do you know when a woman is interested in you?

She may maintain eye contact, smile, or touch you in a friendly way. She may also ask you personal questions or try to learn more about you. If she is interested in you, she will likely try to find ways to spend time with you and may even flirt with you.

12. How do you approach a woman you’re interested in?

Some tips on how you might approach a woman you’re interested in could include making eye contact, smiling, and starting up a conversation. It’s important to be confident and make sure you’re coming across as genuine – no one wants to be talked to by someone who seems fake or insincere.

13. How do you start a conversation with a woman you’re interested in?

The best way to start a conversation with a woman you’re interested in is to simply start talking to her. Get to know her and find out what she’s interested in. Once you know her interests, you can start talking about them and getting to know her better. Also, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Women like confident men who are comfortable in their own skin. So just relax and be yourself. She’ll be sure to appreciate it.