So you’re devoted to being absolutely great with women. That’s amazing! What you’re doing will create a better life not only for you, but also for whoever you invite into your reality. You probably put great emphasis on improving your personality and style, your looks, your core beliefs, the “inner game”, and learning tricks and routines to better your chances: and surely, there’s lots of material out there to help you on that journey.
There’s one important skill, though, that sadly gets overlooked too often: it’s creating a strong connection with a girl. And that should be a fundamental aspect of your game, the basis and ultimate goal of your endeavors.
Cut the superficial BS and focus on having meaningful conversations
Gerry Rafferty sang: “This city desert makes you feel so cold, it’s got so many people but it’s got no soul.” All across our art and poetry, the notion of being lonely, but not alone persists. The poets speak of a void that even you may feel inside yourself, despite having friends, possessions, a career and successes: it’s a nagging lack of emotional fulfillment. Why is that? What fits into that hole? What have we lost in our Western societies? The answer: a true connection between human beings, and more precisely, the ability to establish it.
If you can connect with women, they’ll appreciate you for it. As social animals, it’s part of our natural programming to respond to genuine interest from others. The feeling of understanding, acceptance, and belonging is a powerful force that ties us together, so you’ll want to establish it in your social interactions – both with male friends and women.
The trick is, you must truly care about what she has to say.
Open the window to her soul
Your first step in the right direction is to shift your mindset from “getting” value to “giving” it. Most of the time, when you use the same trite lines with a girl: “So, where do you work?”, “Where are you from?” or “I’m an accountant”, your underlying intention is to get something from her. You try to establish a conversation during which you hope to impress her enough with your achievements and ideas to gain her affection and appreciation. Instead, focus on having an intriguing conversation that goes beyond surface-level small talk.
What if instead, you prompted her to share some truly personal and unique information about herself? You could easily open up the window to her soul instead of asking her for trivial every day banalities.
For instance, talk to her about:
1. Her passions ( What are you passionate about? )
2. What’s on her shelves and bedroom walls ( What does your room look like? )
3. Her childhood memories ( When you were a child, what did you do during sunny afternoons?)
4. Who and what influenced her most ( Do you have any idols? )
5. The most important people in her life ( Who do you talk to the most ? )
6. Her favorite actor, food, musician, artist ( What’s a good movie/band/place to eat these days?)
After you perform that shift in your communication, your quest is no longer about her thoughts or actions: it’s about her feelings and nature.
Your mindset: change from “taking” to “giving”
So how does this tie in with you giving value to the girl instead of taking it? The answer is: by peeking into her personality, you put yourself in a position where you can give something meaningful to her. It’s the feeling that somebody listens and understands. It’s no longer about “picking up” or “getting laid”, but connecting on a personal level. Your curiosity will turn up facets of her personality on which you two can meet. The whole underlying concept is really simple; it’s personal interest.
Knowing what she likes, what she is passionate about, what has meaning to her, what turns her on allows you to be thoughtful with her. Because you have insight into her reality, you can easily assume her role in an interaction and see things through her eyes. If somewhere down the line, you get to a point where you want to make her a present (don’t bee to quick about this! It can come off as trying to “buy” her), you can pick something that she really likes and appreciates. When you go out, you can take her to places she will enjoy or show her things that you know she’ll love.
Here are two final tips for you:
1. Never be afraid to ask.
2. Feel free to take notes after your interaction!
How to Stand Out From the Rest
From the first encounter to a night of hot passion, you always, always have the right to ask her about what she likes or desires – and note that her desires may even change, so why not stay up to date? Also, once you develop your mindset and attract more people into your life on a personal level, you will collect lots of tidbits about their personalities. Nothing’s wrong with writing some things down after the date. “Nancy loves chocolate-covered pretzels” is a good bit of “trivia” to remember when you want to make her happy. If you remember that she loves chocolate pretzels after 2 months, it will REALLY make a impression.
Face To Face
Creating a strong bond with a woman is easier when you do it face-to-face, so avoid talking on the phone, chatting online or e-mailing too much. The reason is that all our senses are involved in our memories: a bunch of black letters on white background are so much harder to remember and connect to a particular person than the intonation of her voice, the sounds and smells in the air, the feel of the surroundings, her facial expressions and the spark in her eye when she talks about her biggest passions.
When you go out and connect to your new acquaintances and old friends, remember that you still need a sexual vibe when talking to a woman: don’t turn into a wimp now. The guy that knows it all without listening to her will not get laid, and listening and being attentive does not mean complying with her every wish and mood or bending over backwards to accommodate her. You are still the master of your own reality. Now go connect with a woman!
