How to ask a Girl Over for a Movie

Hello, fellow lovers and romantics, and welcome back to “Get Da Girl with Way Too Social”! Today’s topic: how to get her to come over for a movie.

Did you get a 42″ LCD TV for Christmas? Install a new 5.1 sound system? Buy a comfy couch that extends into a bed at the press of a button, wink wink? Do you have the hottest, newest Blu Rays? Do you want a girl to, mmmm… join you for a movie? Nudge nudge?

Then we’re on! All we need to do is find out which of these is the right way to ask her over:

• Hey baby, I have a home cinema that will blow your socks off! Speaking of blowing…
• So, um, I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to… well…
• You. Me. Movie. Tonight.

Okay I’m kidding. In case you didn’t notice, everything I wrote above only sets you up for failure. Let’s see what really makes you so attractive that girls will love to spend a cozy evening at your place watching a movie… Just you two.

Is This About a Movie?

There’s a German colloquialism for sexual intercourse, “DVD gucken”. It translates back to “watching DVDs”. You say it, and everybody knows what it actually means.

And yet, reports circulate of males and females getting together to watch a movie and nothing else happening. This, the lore goes, can happen even when one party wants to get laid… The guy would love to sleep with the girl, but it somehow just doesn’t happen.

Instead, he stares at the screen, too scared to even touch her.

You see, and that’s already the problem. Do you think having a girl over for a movie is really about getting into her pants? Because if you do, there’s a pretty good chance she’ll smell your hidden agenda.

And hidden agendas suck.

Honesty, instead, rules.

“One Thing Leads to Another”

If you can sum up the process of seduction as, “and then one way led to another,” (which is pretty accurate), consider this: to you, is having a girl over for a movie more about one thing, or more about another?

The another in this equation is always something that happens in the future: but you’re in the present now, and what happens right now is the one thing.

So let’s take a couple of steps back here. Let’s assume a pretty common story I’m sure you can relate to.

You meet a cool girl. You two get along great. You end up spending some more time with her… First you bump into each other at parties, then you go out just with her. By this time, it’s not too unexpected for either of you when you suggest to spend time in private. Like, watching a movie at your place.

That is, if you’ve done some ground work.

Attract her.

From the first moment you meet a girl you fancy, you’re well off being honest about your attraction. You can tell her openly that you think she looks great. You can stick around and have a fun, flirty, interesting conversation with her. You can touch (not stroke) her upper arm and back when you do. You can be curious about her, ask who she is and what makes her tick – because you actually care.

And you can do all this under one condition: she’s cool with it.

Listen… If a woman is not interested in spending time with you, it doesn’t matter what reasons she has. And it doesn’t matter how friendly, open and honestly interested in her you are.

She has no obligation to “reward” your attention or attraction with anything. She is not indebted to you, she can come and go as she pleases and you can do nothing but gracefully accept.

So how do you attract her?

Invitations.

By extending invitations. Your compliment is an invitation. Your offering your company is an invitation. The words, “hey, let’s sit on the couch over there” are an invitation. The slight touch of your hand on her back as you move around the place is an invitation.

The invitation is for her to join you in your life.

“Hey, I’m having fun,” you tell her at one point in the conversation. “You seem really cool.”

You’re giving her a clear signal here. You’re open to spending more time with her. Will she accept? Remember, she is under no obligation to. But how amazing if she does!

A fist bump when she says something cool. You notice the ring on her finger and talk about it and how it matches the design of the tattoo on her wrist.

She’s still around, talking to you. “Yeah, I love white-water rafting, too,” you say. “We should go at some point!”

Future plans. Why not? It’s a wonderful flight of fancy. And who knows where you two will be by the time next summer comes?

One thing leads to another. But if you look back at the above… Isn’t every step here – the shy compliment, the unobtrusive touch, the easy conversation, the invitations, the moving around the venue – always one thing?

All these things are intriguing and enjoyable in and of themselves. They need to validation as stepping stones to, I don’t know… sex.

The End Goal?

The end goal is always what is happening right here, right now. From the first look to the night spent together, and beyond, the end goal is for you and the girl to spend quality, fulfilling time together.

You’re around her because she is cool. No, really: this girl is right up your alley. She’s your #1 pick. In your book, she’s better than the other girls in the place.

Are you letting her know?

The building of a relationship – whatever it turns out to be, even if it never goes past sex, say as friends with benefits – is a one-step-at-a-time affair.

The Cost-Benefit Analysis.

Every step forward – on both sides, make no mistake – involves a cost-benefit analysis.

What am I investing by engaging her in the first place, the guy at the house party wonders.

What’s the price I pay for responding favourably to that guy, the girls asks herself.

No, it’s not about the movie. That’s just something that establishes a bond between you. It’s a common pleasure you two have decided to share.

Soon, they’re weighing the costs and benefits of going to the kitchen together. “He’s clearly fun and attractive,” the girl ponders. “He’s proven respectful and has not invaded my personal space. If I go to the kitchen with him, we’ll be alone in a changed environment. But I feel confident running that risk.”

“She’s not a psycho,” the guy has realized. “She’s intelligent and her wit is making her even more sexy to me. I think it’s a good idea to ask her to go to the kitchen for one of those tuna snacks and a new glass of wine.”

You and Her.

You’re having great conversation. You’re holding eye contact with her, are teasing her and she’s responding in kind, playfully challenging you. You guys are building some tension.

The party is over and you two exchange numbers. More than that: you have the balls to suggest a meeting between just the two of you. You name the time, date and place right there and then.

A day before, you give her a quick call. Touch base. “Hey, I checked out that book you told me about at the party. It’s actually pretty cool!”

“So anyway, just wanted to say, I’m still down for tomorrow. Brunch at noon still works for you?”

Cool, she’s in!

A Natural Flow.

This is all a natural flow. You meet up for that brunch, and you realize you can still have an engaging, fun time even when it’s just the two of you. By now, you’re familiar enough with touching each other to have your hand resting on hers for a while as you talk.

Your flirting and sexual innuendo has become a little bit more loaded, and you’ve talked about love and relationships.

She hooks her arm into yours as you walk around town.

Hey, perhaps you give her the first kiss, too.

Asking her Over for a Movie.

You see, I just described a smooth progression of a relationship from the first shy moments to actual familiarity to you. The example above evolved over a lot of conversation and several days, but hey, you know what… The comfort and tension can be achieved in a much shorter time, too.

Make yourself available without being desperate. You’re a cool, happy guy living a good life. You’re inviting her to join you because you like her. She’s interesting enough to have earned your favour. And, hey, as it turns out – you’re interesting enough to have gained hers!

Perhaps all this happens in one night at the bar, and after 3 hours of nonstop fantastic conversation, you’re ready to ask her out. You remark: “Hey, you know what? It’s the weekend, this is awesome and I have nothing else to do tonight. Why don’t we get together and watch that movie we talked about earlier? I haven’t seen it in years, and my place is just a few blocks away!”

Things are already awesome. Staying together for some more time feels right. You both like the movie. Let’s go for it! This could be the start of how to have a great date that you’ll both remember!

“Let’s pick up ice cream and wine on the way,” you tell her. Or perhaps it’s her that suggests it?

No Pressure.

Do you know why she says yes? Because all through your interaction with her, you have been authentic, honest and fun. You’ve talked about personal topics, you’ve shown you’re vulnerable, and most importantly:

At no point have you made her feel any less than appreciated for her entire being, just the way she is, right here, right now.

At no point did she feel like you had some hidden agenda with her. Yeah, you find her sexy. She knows that because you told her.

And she joins you for a movie at your place because she knows that she is at perfect liberty to come and go as she pleases. She stays with you because with you, she feels safe. With you, she knows her feelings and trust are protected. She knows she can be herself because you dared to be yourself with her first.

She knows that for you, the reward is the experience of you and her being together – a pleasure in and of itself.

She joins you because whatever you guys end up doing or not doing…

It’s cool.

Is This About a Movie?

Yes. Yes, it is about the movie: it’s about that movie you two talked about and found out you actually really liked. Or about that movie you think she’d really like, and you highly recommend to her. And then, you realized, hey, it’s only 9 pm and why not watch it together now?

And no. No, it’s not about the movie. That’s just something that establishes a bond between you. It’s a common pleasure you two have decided to share. Like other common pleasures that may or may not ensue from it.

So how do you ask her over for a movie?

When you guys are on a roll, the best – and only – way to do it is: in plain language.

What do you think?